midnight post

it's midnight, and i'm still at it. working, that is.

i wonder how long will this continue.

another work crisis, one after the other. reports, emails, clients, bugs, timeline, CRs, gosh.

my dreams are about work these days.

I'M SUCH A BORE>>>>> what happened to my life? what happened to my inspiration?

and no matter how much i work towards it, i still feel i've not done my best.

deep down, inside, i'm afraid of being said useless.

that's right

one cannot clap with one hand

reminisence of my evening walks with mum

i remembered when i was a little girl, i used to take evening walks with mum. it was my favourite past time, taking that short walk to the side of the main road, and sitting by the curb of a big drain - the main road was higher than the inner roads, so it created a bench/curb for us to sit on.

it was our time together, where i talked all sort of stuffs to my mum, being the usual me, an extremely talkative girl. we used to sit there, watching the cars past by, and we made a game, counting different colors or types of cars that passes by. it's these moments where i grew closer to my mum, these moments which bond us together when i was young.

after spending some time counting cars and looking at the stars in the night sky, we will make our way to the public phone booth, where my mum will make some calls to my uncles and aunts.

little did i know, that our walks in the evening, are actually an escape for my mum. as i grew up, i begin to realize that mum was actually finding a breather during our walks, she was trying to walk away from troubles with daddy.

and today, i finally found out how she felt. why she needed those walks. why she needed some space. what she actually felt when she was walking with me and how lonely she was.

i was alone in the park for 4 hours. i wanted an escape and i didn't know where to look for it. i didn't know how. so i end up sitting there, pondering, searching for an answer. when time came to leave, i didn't know how.

and i finally know how mum felt, when she took the walk home.

sad to say, when those walks ended, throughout those years, i drifted apart from mum.

i miss looking at the stars.

TGIF

Realization that today is friday makes me feel much better. I hope the weekend will be a time of rest and leisure for me. I miss you.

To the battle field

Early morning LRT ride. The thought of going into the battle field is an anguish by itself.

i don't know what to say

it's been too long. i still.. can't find the time and the right mood to blog here. work has been hectic, gosh. maybe for others who are workaholic, my amount of work is nothing.. but to me, right now, it is.

what's new in my life? nothing. as usual, shopping, work, reading, watching tv and nothing much.
this sunday, i have a bonding thing to go to, with my RCIA members.

next friday, i'm flying off to beijing. 4 days. am i excited? i guess i should be, but i can't help thinking about the pending matters.

i find it really hard these days, to control my emotions/anger. these days, there are situations where i just want to strangle/scream/shout/cry but i just swallow it all in. i keep telling myself, this is an obstacle, once i overcome it, i'll be stronger and better.

it'll pass. i know it. well, life would be boring, without its ups and downs, right?

i've really gotta find a way out of this cloud. i guess, i'll post happy pictures of me at beijing. that should cheer me up! n guys, my life is not as dreary as i am potraying it to be in my blog. i'm just a drama queen.

=P