the feeling that you are above all

when you feel & know:-

you don't owe anyone anything
you own yourself
you have all the freedom in the world
people are in awe of you
people want to be you
you turn heads
whatever you wear looks good
you know people listen to you when you speak
glamour is your middle name
guys are in queue for dates with you
sexiness is a part of you
all eyes are on you
work is like child's play to you
public speaking is just a norm to you
you would not tolerate bad behaviour
you are the life of whatever party you go to
you would not be push around
you love your body
failure is not in your vocabulary
you are confident enough to talk to strangers
you can flaunt what you got
you don't need to wait for anybody

i'm still waiting for that feeling. and like some people will say, "dream on!".

Tighter

Things are getting tighter
I can't breathe
I can't stop it
I feel helpless
I want to prevent it
But I can't help it
I don't know what's wrong
I've tried everything
And yet
Things are still getting tighter
I don't dare to look
I don't want to know

I'm desperate
Yes I am
And I know it
Please help me
As it is killing me
I'm ready to do anything
To sacrifice..
For the sake of...
my pants not getting tighter...

LOL... FYI, I really do feel what I said above. Cause I hate feeling my pants so tight. And I hate looking at myself in pictures, cause I can see all those fat oozing out. Help me, someone! Please.
Alert Alert.. RED ALERT not good not good... sigh.. how how how... I can seee my round tummy, bulging out.. oh shit!

bahasa saya bagus!

saya tengah cuba untuk berbahasa Melayu. sudah lama benar, saya tidak menulis karangan. saya rasa bahasa saya sudah merosot. saya sedang mengalami kesusahan untuk terus menulis dalam bahasa. oh shit! this is so hard. it is so difficult to construct proper sentences in Malay after 6 years of not writing in Malay. even typing in Malay is harder and slower. hmm.. how come? shouldn't it be the same.

and i noticed that i construct my sentence in english first then only translate it to malay. which explains why my malay sounds sucky. ever since i finished my SPM, i did not construct a proper essay in Malay anymore. when i was in school, i used to be able to write a 500 word Malay essay in 10 minutes. now, the 3 sentences above, took 10 minutes for me to construct. this is so bad.

i once announce that reading in Malay gives me a headache. this coming from a girl who once read so many Malay novels when she was 10. i gave up understanding the Malay language when I was 14, as they change the rules and structure of the language so often that I kinda got so fed up keeping up with the changes. For example, from the age of 10 til i was 15, i was taught to pronounce baca as baacaa, suddenly when i was 16, i can read it as baace. What happen to the Bahasa BAKU that was instill in me?

come to think of it, i can't even remember how to sing Negeri Sembilan's anthem. i sang it every morning from monday to friday, sometimes even saturday, from the age of 7 till i was 17. how can i forget??? please people, don't ask me to do it, cause I really can't remember it at all. not even the tune. all i can remember is, that it has a livelier tune than Malaysia's national anthem. it really seems that i forgot almost everything that was taught back in school. as my friend would say, i gave all the knowledge back to my teachers.

goodbye good BAHASA MELAYU skills. welcome Bahasa Pasar.

From Me to You

I've not been there

All along you were here
Always, For me
While I'm elsewhere

I'm sorry

For the things I've done
For the things I did not
For the times I was there
For the times I was not

You protected me
You cared for me
You love me
So much

I want to do
So much for you
Will I ever
Be able to?

I wish I could
To tell you how much
I actually
Love you too

Happy Birthday, Mum! I love you so much! I know I never tell you so... I just find it hard to do so... Thank you for everything. A million thank yous, a million hugs, a million kisses... for all the time you stood up for me. I wish I could give the world to you.

A Fool In Me

I tried to forgive.

I tried to forget.

I tried to give in.

I tried to understand.

Where's the love?

Where's the care?

Where's the patience?

Where's the respect?

My best is never enough.

And your tries were not your best.

Do not tell me you are sorry.

Cause if you were sorry.

Giving up would not be that easy.

Chances were given.

Not one was appreciated.

You think you did.

But you did not.

I've listen enough.
I've cried enough.

I've given enough.

I've taken enough.

All along, there was a fool in me.

*Cathryn*

ELECTROCUTED!!! Well, almost!

No, I'm not talking about being charmed by a guy!

No, I did not stare into anyone's beautiful eyes again!

No, I was not almost strike by lightning!

No, I did not have wet hands and touch electricals!

No, I was not fixing any electrical items!

No, I didn't use a pen to plug in a 2 pin plug!

Guess what? I was electrocuted by my ear phones! Well, almost.

Cause it's a minor one. Just hurt a little.

And no, it is not pariah/ciplak/lousy ear phones. Altec Lansing wey!

No wonder some of my hair is fried. Stupid ear phones.

I NEED NEW EAR PHONES!!! *Hint Hint*

Some Random Thoughts

• Funny how we are always looking for answers and directions.
• Funny how we don't know what we want and need others to tell you or help you with it.
• Funny how we think we want something but when we get it, we realized that we don't want it that much.
• Funny how it's easier to forgive than to forget.
• Funny how certain memories are etched forever in your mind but not others.
• Funny how long a person can stay hurt.
• Funny how easy it is to be hurt by some people and not others.
• Funny how fragile a friendship or a relationship is.
• Funny how a person becomes more cynical the older she becomes.
• Funny how hard it is to be satisfied.
• Funny how a person can only realized the importance of some things only after she lose it.
• Funny how insecure a person can become.
• Funny how I am wasting time talking nonsense here.