behind my back

i wonder who is throwing daggers at my back.

behind my back, i know people are talking. some may be good, but i think, mostly is bad.

why? because it's human nature. it's human nature to notice the weakness of people and ignore the strengths. it's human nature to highlight and exaggerate and magnify it 10 times, of other people's weaknesses.

why? in my humble opinion, i think it is because most people want to feel superior, thus will try to diminish others by only noticing their weakness.

however, i think this is a wrong strategy for them to become superior/better/whatever, as you can only become better when you feel threatened/motivated by others' greatness.

my theory may be wrong. but i have another theory. when people starts bitching about you, it means that you are doing great and they are actually envious about your success.

to me, i will always notice others' strengths but, due to pride, find it hard to acknowledge it to others. thus, you'll hardly find me saying words of praises to people. at the same time, i hardly bitch about someone, unless i have an intense hatred against that person.

yeah, i am that egoistic. i'm almost like a man. *shivers in disgust*

and yeah, i admit, being egoistic is also a weakness.

and i know, my back is full of holes.

my beloved pet died

oh, no! my tamagotchi died. sadness. i neglected him for these 2 days only and he died on me. how ungrateful. to think of the time that i spent feeding, cleaning, playing with him. now i have to start all over. and that damn fella doesn't want to go to school. wait, let me teach him a lesson first!

my first tuesday

the moment i reached the church, i was late (10minutes). as i walked up the stairs, all kind of thoughts were flying through my head. who will i be meeting, what do i need to say, where is the entrance. luckily, stephen was there with me. i felt somewhat calmer with him beside me.

i saw a lot of RCIA signboard around; navigating us, newcomers to the room. i saw a few people, sitting at the counter, welcoming us, and registering us. I was given a name tag, the white sticker with your name written on it sort. once registered, i walked slowly to the entrance, guessing the door by the sounds of singing coming out of it.

they were singing a hymn, of which i do not know the title. i was just in time to sing another 2 hymns. it's really astonishing how hymns could reach out and touch your heart. the feelings that you experienced when you listen/sing hymns are really overwhelming. all sorts of different feelings, a kaleidescope of feelings, hmm how do you describe it?

next, Father Martin gave a welcome speech. he was really honest and straightforward regarding his grasp of the English language. i felt so humbled by him. followed by an introduction of the RCIA, its history, what to expect, and the whole journey by michael. to be honest, that part was slightly boring. then michael introduced all of the facilitators and those that are involved in the RCIA.

the next part was a sharing of journey/experience from two graduates.. from 2006 RCIA. that was enlightening and entertaining. the speaker was.... humorous and gave a really well speech. i found it a pleasure to listen to his story. what he described.. somehow was similar to what i felt and what i experienced in the past.

after the two sharings, came a slide show of past year RCIA, pictures of their activities, their joy, their entire journey from June 2006 till April 2007.

the night ended with some food, as always, Malaysians simply love their food.

it was not as bad as i thought it would be. i hope it will be as interesting, if not even better, next tuesday.

anticipation - mr postman, where are you?

i'm waiting for the postman. he'll be my favourite visitor for the day. why? cause i ordered a pair of shoes online. and i can't wait to see it. it's a pink polka dot wedges. it's so girlish that i can almost feel the whoop of joy when i think of it. it's so girlish, maybe when i put it on, i'll dress extra feminine and make up extra girlish. i think i need to purchase a matching hairband and handbag to go with it. *wheee!!!*

this will be my first time of purchasing stuff online. well, buying movie tickets online does not count! let's just hope it's a pleasant experience else i might just swear off online shopping for a long time.

nowadays, i seemed to be on a shopping spree. i kept buying stuff. i feel like buying more makeup to beautify myself. i feel like buying a new facial care line to take care of my face. i feel like buying more clothes to give my wardrobe a breath of fresh air as it kinda looking stale lately. i feel like buying more handbags as i feel that i do not have enough bags for different occasions. but but all these require money. even if i have the money to buy, i may not have place to store it. *sigh*

i'm bored. even bored of looking at my picture that used to be posted at this blog, thus i decided to change the picture. once i changed the picture, i realized that i'm bored of the layout colors and theme also. so i changed that too. and when i changed those, i realize some of my widgets does not match the new layout and color. thus, i delete or changed them. final result, my blog experienced some major revamp.

i even feel like changing more stuffs and making it look more attractive. alas, i do not have the time. perhaps, i will do it when i have the time. but knowing me, the master of all procrastinator, that day is most probably not going to happen anytime soon or if at all. LOL

some comments please.. which do you prefer, the new blog or the old one? anything that i can do to enhance it further? pray tell.

an idle mind is a devil's playground

yes, it sure is. cause i'm so free, i'm beginning to do nonsense and write nonsense and think of nonsense. bad bad bad.

i'm supposed to be busy. but somehow, i am free now. i wonder why? is it because of my efficiency? or because i am too new and my senior is too busy to delegate extra tasks to me and train me to do it? hmm. point to ponder upon.

last week and a couple of weeks back, i hardly update my blog. as i was BUSY. and my friend John complaint that he has no reading material. is it sufficient now? or is this all crappy and need to be more interesting?

ooh. another update in my working life. as i changed my position from regional business development to project management office, i switched my cubicle too. hehe. now i am seated a couple of seats a way from my old seat. i am still getting used to it as this seat is also very open and a lot of people pass by my seat. damn, lack of privacy. need to be more attentive to who is passing by and who is noticing my screen. LOL. each time i come back from the loo and enter the office, i keep forgetting that i changed seats and kept walking to my old seat. *hehe*

i am so into cam-whoring nowadays. yesterday i snap dozens of pictures of myself. using my W850i and was playing with Stephen's new baby, K810i. i have yet to upload the pictures to my laptop. please be patient, guys. *cam-whore alert!*

on a brighter note, i believe that all of you know that i want to purchase a car.... and have been looking for one that fits my budget and taste. lol. i read news about the locally assembled Suzuki Swift to be priced at RM60k to RM65k. yeah, kinda expensive, i admit. but who knows, perhaps *hoping against all hopes* that it will be priced even cheaper? or maybe it will place some pressure to Perodua and Proton to lower their prices? *i'm keeping my fingers crossed*

ooh. tonight is my first class for RCIA. i'm kinda nervous. yeah, stephen's going to be my sponsor. so, problem solved. but tonight he will be late for the class, so i will enter the class alone. *sweat* it's like the first day of school!

i have to stop writing long winded post, as i noticed my friends are really lazy to read long post. then if no one reads it, why am i writing? waste my effort! ok, to stop it from being too long, i shall stop here now. ta!

45 of the most random things you probably never ever need to know about me

whats your name spelt backwards?: nyrhtac
What did you do last night?: sleep
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: my pictures
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: of course NOT
Last time you swam in a pool?: hmm. last year august, in jakarta
What are you wearing?: purple turtle neck and a black pencil skirt
How many cars have you owned?: nada
Type of music you dislike most?: those that gives me a headache
Are you registered to vote?: ekeke. *blushes* i haven't register yet.
Do you have cable?: cable? astro? yeah.
What kind of computer do you use?: erm. a notebook.
Ever made a prank phone call?: of course.
You like anyone right now?: yeah, all my friends
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: NO to both, i am afraid of heights
Furthest place you ever traveled?: well, this is embarrasing. Bangkok.
What's your favorite comic strip?: definitely not Garfield. shou! ld be the Malaysian Lat\'s Kampung Boy
Do u know all the words to the national anthem?: Yeah. I'm a good Malaysian
Shower, morning or night?: huh? Both la.
Best movie you've seen in the past month?: Pirates of the Caribbean 3
Favorite pizza toppings?: Crabstick
Chips or popcorn?: Chips
What cell phone provider do you have?: Maxis
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: What?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Nope. I don't have the guts to be publicly humiliated.
Orange Juice or apple?: Orange Juice
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: Ilin and Pheng
favorite chocolate bar?: Cadbury?
Who is your longest friend and how long?: Desiree. 21-22 Years
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: erm. Sunday I guess.
Have you ever won a trophy?: Yeah. For playing with Lego
Favorite arcade game?: Should be Bubble Bubble
Ever ordered from an infomercial?: Nope. Not Yet
Sprite or 7-UP?! : Sprite
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: Yes.
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: Not applicable to Malaysian like me.
Ever thrown up in public?: Yes lotsa times. In front of Zouk, At Telawi street Bangsar, At Cameron Highlands Bus Station
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: hmm, that's a hard one.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no. love at first sight is more of an attraction/infatuation/crush which develops into love
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: Jimmy Neutron
Did you have long hair as a young kid?: No, really short hair
What message is on your voicemail machine?: Maxis Standard Voicemail Message
Where would you like to go right now?: New York
Whats the name of your pet?: I don't have a pet. Does a Tamagotchi count? It's called Baby
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: I don't have a backpack now.
What do you think about most?: Losing 10kgs.

Random Thought Provokers

What makes you laugh?:	A Good Comedy/Tickle
Who is your hero?:	My Father
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?:	Stephen
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:	erm.. 10?
Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?:	i hardly wear socks... cause i don't wear sneakers
Who do you blame for your mood today?:	no one.. i'm having a great day so far.
If the Internet were sex... I would:	be a nympho. i can't live without the internet
Have you ever seen a dead body?:	nope. and i dont ever want to see one.
What is something scientists need to invent?:	a Food Making Machine - Think of any type of Food and it will cook it. Yahoo!
What should we do with stupid people?:	we should send them off to an island. lol. an island-full of them! tourist attraction wey!
Have you ever broken a bone?:	so far, nope!
Do you watch local news? Why?:	no. i hardly watch the tv.
What happens after you die?:	i hope i will go to Heaven.
How big is your bed? Big enough?:	nope. i need a king size one.
How long do you think you will live?:	i hope as long as it can be, and better still, my looks/body will not look aged, remains 18 forever.

oh no!

darn! my ears are itchy. and red. and hot. they sting.

i hope it's not an allergic reaction towards my new huge white earrings.

if it is, this will be the first time my ears are allergic to earrings.

please make it stop itching! OUCH!

accident!

sigh.

i accidentally bought an expensive top.

gosh. when i actually have to fork out the money, i can feel the heart ache.

yesterday, i went shopping in one utama. didn't plan to buy anything but, as i walked pass G2000, i saw there was a sale going on. so i went in, and grab a few tops.

i wanted to buy 2 similar tops. the price tag stated rm69, or so i thought. when i walk to the counter, i asked for new ones. i didn't buy one of the tops as they only have the display one and it has a stain. so i only took the other one and went to pay. OMG, the price stated at the cashier was rm169. i didn't want to say, "i don't want it now" as there were a lot of people standing nearby me.

because of my pride and ego, i forced myself to buy it. *heartache*

guys, you better say i look good when i wear it!

*psst: give you a clue, it's a black top with white lace.*

every tuesdays 8pm to 10pm

RCIA. I will be there. Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults.

I'm on my way to become a Catholic. i'll be starting my journey next Tuesday, 5th of June 2007. The classes will end somewhere in April 2008. Then, I'll finally be a Catholic.

For those that do not know this about me, I have been going to church since....... 2004. Well, I feel calmer when I'm in the church. I feel more at peace with myself.

But to tell you honestly, at first, when I feel lost or in need of help, when someone asked me to pray, I would be skeptical. I will just pray just for the sake of following instructions, instead of really believing in it. In my heart, I would be wondering what's the point in doing so, cause if every time I pray to God and my prayers are answered, then I'll be a millionaire by now.

However, I noticed that, I really started believing in 2005. My skepticism slowly faded away. I started praying and believing that whatever happens, it will be a test for me to be a better person. I started believing that God is there for me all the time, and I just need to pray.

Now, whenever my close friends are at a dilemma, I'll advice them to pray. But I know that they will give me the same response as I had given to the person that asked me to pray for the very first time. I hope they (my friends) will find their faith too, someday.

Well, I am looking forward to the course. and I'm looking for a sponsor. Anyone?

Des volunteered but I do not want to trouble her as she works long hours and she stays far away, in Shah Alam. But, I do look forward spending time with her each Tuesday, before the class starts. We can have dinner together.

However, can I be so selfish and trouble her? I don't know. I'll try to find others. If I really can't find one, then I guess I have no choice but to trouble her.

I gotta go. It's getting late. It's almost 7pm now.

Good night.

and

God bless.