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Monday, May 28, 2007

deep within me

i have a perpetual fear of aging. i am afraid that time is running out and i will not be able to achieve my dreams. what if i turn out to be a failure? NO!!!!! i do not want that to happen.

i am afraid that i will make the wrong decisions and end up...... being a nobody. i want a career and a successful one at that. it's funny how i fear ending up poor more than i fear choosing the wrong person to marry. it's really weird how i fear not having a successful career more than i fear not having someone to love me.

oh please, don't get me wrong. i do fear marrying the wrong person. i do fear not having someone to love me. of course i do! but i kinda fear not making something out of myself more. i fear being a failure more.

i am so afraid of becoming a nobody. someone that people will not look up to. i am so afraid of people looking down on me. i'm so afraid of having people not respecting me.

i am always wondering, when will it be the right time for me to change jobs, what will be the right kind of job for me, what can i do to earn more and achieve more, what kind of certification i should have to boost my price in the career market, what kinda skill should i have, etc...

it's such a frightening thought, that any wrong step might hinder/delay my progress with my career. it's not like playing games... where you can restart any time if your mission gone wrong... i feel.... to make the best out of it, you'll only have one chance. either you make it or you don't.

i cannot CANNOT go blindly in my career path.. hmm.. time to think more.

gosh, why can't i remain 23 forever? then i will have extra time to plan/redo my career. sigh.

4 Goodies:

Sir Don said...

You are SO young and you are worrying your life away? I know of people that only started to live their dreams in their 30's, 40's or even later! You have LOTS of time left so start doing what you want to do today!

Pick one thing you really want to do, then just focus to make that happen. It will be so satisfying you will move onto the next thing .. soon you will start to realise all your dreams.

Sir Don said...

I'll marry you :) I'll come over to Malaysia.

khengsiong said...

Alan Tham is always 25...

Belle.Blahnik said...

problem with me is i want too much. i seek perfection but it's imperfection that makes life interesting. how contradicting. ironic.