i'm having mix feelings now. i don't know how i feel. this morning, when i woke up, i got a sms from my brother, notifying me that my uncle, my mother's eldest brother has passed away. i didn't see him for such a long time. i thought this year's Chinese New Year, i'll be visiting him and others. i really didn't see this coming. gosh, i really hate it when this happens. through out my childhood, each Chinese New Year, i'll be back to bentong and gather together with my extended family. each year, my uncle will be sitting in his chair and eating peanuts with us. this year, i would not be able to taste his cooking anymore. i would no longer hear his deep voice and warm crackling laughter. i would no longer be able to see his tanned face wrinkles up when he laughs. i really can't imagine it.
every time i go back to bentong, he'll be there. this year, it will be different. different from how it used to be when i was little. back then, every school holidays, my mum will bring me to bentong. there, i'll have lots of playmates - my cousins. then my uncle will bring us around town, for tea in his old grey car. it was our routine. sometimes, we will have an outing to the river... and spent the day there, swimming, fooling around with the cold crystal clear water and picnicking. it has been years since we did that. all of us grew up, and end up being too busy for each other. all of us have our own life now, and somehow, i got caught up with my life so much so that i didn't see my uncle for so long. although my uncle didn't have much, but he gave us hours of fun and at times, guides us when we are lost. he was always concern about us. he was one of the fatherly figures in my life.
suddenly, i feel as if my bubble has burst. it's as if, i have to face the fact that those days are gone and we need to behave/act/think like responsible adults now. no longer am i the fat little girl who tags along her cousins nor cries when she's near an ostrich. i can never go back to those good old days. all that remains, are memories. and through out the last 5 years, as soon as all of us got out from school and went to college, i hardly meet my cousins. we hardly hang out together. sigh. also, at the same time, this reminds me that my mother is getting old too. and i fear that, one day, i'll receive a call, informing me of such bad news. please, don't come so soon. there's so much more to do.
dear uncle, i'll miss you a lot. i'll always remember the times we spent together. memories of you will forever be etched in my heart. don't worry about us. we will take care of ourselves. rest in peace, my dear dear uncle.
every time i go back to bentong, he'll be there. this year, it will be different. different from how it used to be when i was little. back then, every school holidays, my mum will bring me to bentong. there, i'll have lots of playmates - my cousins. then my uncle will bring us around town, for tea in his old grey car. it was our routine. sometimes, we will have an outing to the river... and spent the day there, swimming, fooling around with the cold crystal clear water and picnicking. it has been years since we did that. all of us grew up, and end up being too busy for each other. all of us have our own life now, and somehow, i got caught up with my life so much so that i didn't see my uncle for so long. although my uncle didn't have much, but he gave us hours of fun and at times, guides us when we are lost. he was always concern about us. he was one of the fatherly figures in my life.
suddenly, i feel as if my bubble has burst. it's as if, i have to face the fact that those days are gone and we need to behave/act/think like responsible adults now. no longer am i the fat little girl who tags along her cousins nor cries when she's near an ostrich. i can never go back to those good old days. all that remains, are memories. and through out the last 5 years, as soon as all of us got out from school and went to college, i hardly meet my cousins. we hardly hang out together. sigh. also, at the same time, this reminds me that my mother is getting old too. and i fear that, one day, i'll receive a call, informing me of such bad news. please, don't come so soon. there's so much more to do.
dear uncle, i'll miss you a lot. i'll always remember the times we spent together. memories of you will forever be etched in my heart. don't worry about us. we will take care of ourselves. rest in peace, my dear dear uncle.
Amazing Grace
Words by John Newton 1779
- Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see. - 'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed. - Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come.
'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home. - The Lord has promised good to me.
His Word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures. - When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.
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