i'm feeling.. rather blue this whole week. i want to whine. just let me whine at my blog. i just want to let it all out. i feel so down.. i think my face, without make-up is blue. and listening to Faye Wong's love songs are not helping. her voice is so melancholy.. striking a chord in my heart.. in a spot I rather forget about.
i think it's PMS. things that i was trying to forget is resurfacing. matters or memories i tried so hard to compress or hide it so deep inside my heart is coming out, demanding me to re-live and re-think about them. was i wrong to hide them? will i ever be able to let go of it? i'm in doubt. the answers that i got.. are they true? can i believe them? have i really lost all my faith in this matter? or is this just my PMS talking? hormones going haywire.. affecting my thoughts and emotions.
i'm quite the extremist. when i'm happy, i'm so happy i feel as if i'm floating on a cloud. when i'm sad, i'm so down that i'm so deep in the depths of despair. there's no in between. other than boredom of course. i'm such a drama queen. i'm addicted to drama so much that when life becomes average or mundane, i'll start thinking all sorts of nonsense that it drags me into the pits.. sometimes i think, there must be something wrong with me. cause i feel unhappy all the time. even when things are going right. and i still feel so empty. my happiness maybe last for that moment or so. that's all.
it has come to a point that irrationality rules my life. my thoughts and my opinions.. about myself, are bordering on madness. i know that i'm irrational. i know that all of it is nonsense. i know it is not true. but i can't help it. i think maybe this is a way of how i deal with boring mundane life. i create drama for myself. in my head. which sucks. i keep telling myself, that i'm creating a mountain out of a mole hill, that nothing is wrong.. but somehow it doesn't really register in my head.
someone once told me that i live in my own world. listening to what i want to hear only. and twist and turn it into something that is totally different from reality. i wonder whether that's true. i hope not. cause i don't want to become a nutcase. i'm not right, guys?
* the grass is not greener on the other side. i am not the worse off person in the world. in fact, i'm very lucky. i believe in myself. i am not ugly. i am not disgusting. i am not incapable. *
omg, i just want to believe in myself. someone, spare me some confidence! i hate feeling so insecure.
i think it's PMS. things that i was trying to forget is resurfacing. matters or memories i tried so hard to compress or hide it so deep inside my heart is coming out, demanding me to re-live and re-think about them. was i wrong to hide them? will i ever be able to let go of it? i'm in doubt. the answers that i got.. are they true? can i believe them? have i really lost all my faith in this matter? or is this just my PMS talking? hormones going haywire.. affecting my thoughts and emotions.
i'm quite the extremist. when i'm happy, i'm so happy i feel as if i'm floating on a cloud. when i'm sad, i'm so down that i'm so deep in the depths of despair. there's no in between. other than boredom of course. i'm such a drama queen. i'm addicted to drama so much that when life becomes average or mundane, i'll start thinking all sorts of nonsense that it drags me into the pits.. sometimes i think, there must be something wrong with me. cause i feel unhappy all the time. even when things are going right. and i still feel so empty. my happiness maybe last for that moment or so. that's all.
it has come to a point that irrationality rules my life. my thoughts and my opinions.. about myself, are bordering on madness. i know that i'm irrational. i know that all of it is nonsense. i know it is not true. but i can't help it. i think maybe this is a way of how i deal with boring mundane life. i create drama for myself. in my head. which sucks. i keep telling myself, that i'm creating a mountain out of a mole hill, that nothing is wrong.. but somehow it doesn't really register in my head.
someone once told me that i live in my own world. listening to what i want to hear only. and twist and turn it into something that is totally different from reality. i wonder whether that's true. i hope not. cause i don't want to become a nutcase. i'm not right, guys?
* the grass is not greener on the other side. i am not the worse off person in the world. in fact, i'm very lucky. i believe in myself. i am not ugly. i am not disgusting. i am not incapable. *
omg, i just want to believe in myself. someone, spare me some confidence! i hate feeling so insecure.
1 Goodies:
Cheer up, girl!!!!!!!!! We're not incapable doh! we'll be strong ^^
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