~nostalgia~

the moment i reach office... nostalgia strikes. out of nowhere, creeping up on me and catches me unaware. the feeling of longing, of lost friends, of lost youth, of lost happiness, of regrets, of wasted time, of mistakes, of reckless laughter, how i miss it. how i wish and wish and hope and hope that some things, didn't turn out the way it did. how i wish that i cherished those time more and didn't just waste the opportunities away. i miss college days where i had so much time for friends. how i wish that i can continue pull silly and foolish pranks with my friends and laugh so much about it till our tummy ache. i miss having able to think that we have all the time in the world, and that we are young and are allowed to be foolish. although those days, i have little money, but those were the happiest. it doesn't matter whether the sky is bright or dark, we just go on and laugh about life. oh, the recklessness of youth!

the feeling of love, protectiveness, surge up my body, having me wish that i could do more for my dearest pals. when i know of unhappiness, of injustice, of asshole boyfriends, i wish i can put my arms around my dear friend, and tell her everything will be all right. that no matter what, i'll be there for her. it breaks my heart to see my friends sad. believe me, of all people, i know the best how disappointment taste like. how it feels to have your heart trampled and your trust shattered. the bitter taste of having your hope crushed. and the long long lonely nights, even when you are among friends. everyday, you tell yourself that you can do this. that it doesn't matter. lying to yourself, living in denial, when all you want to do is, cry your heart out and hope that one day, the pain will stop. when people surrounding you, tells you that time would heal. that in time you'll be all right. at that moment, it seemed so useless, the advices. back in your head, you understand that time heals all pain, but at that moment, it seemed impossibly so. dear friend, dear dear friend, be strong. pray to God, believe me, He hears it. and i will be here.

i know i know, that i'm not there most of the time for you. in times of laughter, i can't share with you all the time. i know that i'm not the type of friend that has the time to company you to shop or to have a drink, but believe me, in times of tears and sadness, i'll fly to wherever you are. in times when i know you need me the most, i'll rush to your side, bringing chocolates, ice creams, tissues and a shoulder to cry on. it may feel that i neglect you as i always don't have time for you. but, trust me, i'll be there when you need me the most.

i'm sorry if you feel that i'm not a good friend. i'm sorry if i said anything wrong. i'm sorry if i did anything wrong. please understand, that deep in my heart, all of you matters alot to me.

current song that's making me nostalgic:-

Jessica Simpson, I Belong To Me

Oh yeah

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't want to have you in my life baby
it's just you gotta know that its got to be right baby
before I open up my heart to you
I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
nobody has got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in baby
that who I am is not about who I am with baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know I give all my love but
I'm not givin' all my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yeah

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
who somebody wants you to be
nobody has got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I'm one not half of two,
and if your gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me