Handicapped! Feel so lost without YOU!

Sigh, the past few days had been horrible! Without you, I feel so lost. I need you everyday to feel normal. Without you, I feel that something is missing. I need you like I need air. Please... Please be there when I need you! I want you back! oh.. dear Internet.. these few days without you, time passed so slowly. I couldn't even do my work.

Due to Taiwan's earthquake, I can't log in to MSN, Yahoo and Google Talk. I can't check my emails, I can't update my blog, I can't do my work! I had practically nothing to do. Was only drafting emails as I couldn't send it out. I couldn't search for information. I was so handicapped!

I read in The Star that this might last up to few weeks. Please Don't!!!!!!! It's such a nightmare! I rely on you too much, Internet! Don't do that to me anymore.......

Have faith?

What is there to believe? Today, Internet has been sucky. I guess it has something to do with Taiwan's earthquake. Didn't manage to do much today. I'm a mess. There's this sick feeling in my gut. Something kinda snap. Something flew out the window. I'm tired. Didn't manage to sleep much. My eyes are watering. And I can barely keep them open. Time is passing so slowly. Sometimes I want to go back home, other times I just want to stay at work.

I know I'm talking nonsense here. But just bear with me. I just want to write something, to say something out. But I do not know what. I'm having some kind of block.

Darn, new year's coming!! Have fun guys!

I want to retreat into my cocoon. But where is it?

A Fool In Me

I tried to forgive.

I tried to forget.

I tried to give in.

I tried to understand.

Where's the love?

Where's the care?

Where's the patience?

Where's the respect?

My best is never enough.

And your tries were not your best.

Do not tell me you are sorry.

Cause if you were sorry.

Giving up would not be that easy.

Chances were given.

Not one was appreciated.

You think you did.

But you did not.

I've listen enough.
I've cried enough.

I've given enough.

I've taken enough.

All along, there was a fool in me.

*Cathryn*

Merry Christmas! & Happy Boxing Day!

Merry Christmas everybody! & a very Happy Boxing Day! You can officially open all your presents today!

Hmm.. Santa didn't visit me and i didn't get my MOST WANTED but I did get alot of Christmas presents from my close ones. I got a really lovely Bracelet, a really Cute and Colorful Bumblee Bee Photo Frame, a Notebook, a Bvlgari toiletry bag filled with Bvlgari perfume stuff, a Scrabble Calender, a Purple Sparkling Ring, an Estee Lauder Mascara, Ettusais Cream Blush, a Mint With Mirror, A Cute Pink and Black Bag, a Coin Pouch, a Hair Band and .......

Muacks Muacks.. Thank you all! Have a Merry Merry Christmas .. and a Happy New Year! Don't get too drunk ya! P.S: Anyone drunk on Christmas' Eve? hehehe

Happy Birthday, Liew!

Happy Birthday Liew!

May all your wishes come true!

Sorry I can't celebrate with you.

Hope you have fun over in Singapore!

I think I know you for ages already. Things have changed alot since we were kids, eh? All the best for you and do take care. If I drop by Singapore, I shall call you. Don't forget me k? Hehehe

Happy Winter Solstice Festival!!

Happy Happy Winter Solstice Everybody!
As Chinese, we all know we grow a year older today! Wait.. I check describtions about this festival in all sorts of sites.. but none says about the getting older part. hmm.... But that's what my mama says! Anyway, if it's correct, a year older, a year wiser! So dear friends, be more matured ya?

Here I would like to say, Mama I love you! I'm sorry that I'm not back at home today to have tangyuan with you! Don't worry about me, I know how to take care of myself, I'm no longer a baby..(I know she won't be reading my blog.. Perhaps this is why I can say this out loud)

Friends from around the world, here I'll like to wish you a very happy winter solstice and hope that you'll be surrounded by love ones! Cherish those you love and appreciate them as they are still with you. Cheers!

*life is not entirely about the final destination; it is about the journey whr you touch people's life and allow them to touch yours.*

Cathryn

Excerpt from Wikipedia:-

The Dōngzhì Festival or The Winter Solstice Festival(Chinese: 冬至; Pinyin: dōng zhì; "The Extreme of Winter") is one of the most important festivals celebrated by the Chinese and other East Asians during the dongzhi solar term on or around December 21 when sunshine is weakest and daylight shortest; i.e., on the first day of the dongzhi solar term

The origins of this festival can be traced back to the Yin and Yang philosophy of balance and harmony in the cosmos. After this celebration, there will be days with longer daylight hours and therefore an increase in positive energy flowing in. The philosophical significance of this is symbolized by the I Ching hexagram fù (復, "Returning").

Traditionally, the Dongzhi Festival is also a time for the family to get together. One activity that occurs during these get togethers (especially in the southern parts of China and in Chinese communities overseas) is the making and eating of Tangyuan (湯圓, as pronounced in Cantonese; Mandarin Pinyin: Tāng Yuán) or balls of glutinuous rice, which symbolize reunion. Tangyuan are made of glutinuous rice flour and sometimes brightly coloured. Every one in the family receives at least one large Tang Yuan and several small ones. The flour balls may be plain or stuffed. They are cooked in a sweet soup or savoury broth with both the ball and the soup/broth served in one bowl.

In northern China, people typically eat dumplings on dongzhi. It is said to have originated from Zhang Zhongjing of Han Dynasty. On one cold winter day, he saw the poor suffering from chilblains on their ears. Feeling sympathetic, he ordered his apprentices to make dumplings with lamb and other ingredients, distributed them among the poor to keep them warm. Since the dumplings were shaped like ears, Zhang named it "qǜ hán jiāo ěr tāng" or dumpling soup that expels the cold. From then on it became a tradition passed down to eat dumplings on the day of dongzhi to keep the ears from getting chilblains.

Christmas Countdown :- 3 Days

I MISS YOU!

Mahjong, oh mahjong, I really do miss you. I miss you and my mahjong kakis..... June, Alvin, Kachie, Anderson to name a few..... I miss mahjong.. I misssssss you.........

Tonight I'll be dreaming of you.....

ELECTROCUTED!!! Well, almost!

No, I'm not talking about being charmed by a guy!

No, I did not stare into anyone's beautiful eyes again!

No, I was not almost strike by lightning!

No, I did not have wet hands and touch electricals!

No, I was not fixing any electrical items!

No, I didn't use a pen to plug in a 2 pin plug!

Guess what? I was electrocuted by my ear phones! Well, almost.

Cause it's a minor one. Just hurt a little.

And no, it is not pariah/ciplak/lousy ear phones. Altec Lansing wey!

No wonder some of my hair is fried. Stupid ear phones.

I NEED NEW EAR PHONES!!! *Hint Hint*

Oh Girl - The Chi-Lites

The original song. The chorus of Girl by Paul Wall is a speed up version from this. I manage to dig up the old video. I love old songs. At least it doesn't give me a headache! haha.. Enjoy.

Oh, girl I’d be in trouble if you left me now

‘Cause I don’t know where to look for love

I just don’t know how

Oh, girl How I depend on you

To give me love when I need it

Right on time you would always be

All my friends call me a fool

They say, “Let the woman take care of you?

So I try to be hip and think like the crowd

But even the crowd can’t help me now,

oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...

Oh, girl Tell me what am I gonna do

I know I’ve got a guilty face

Girl, I feel so out of place, oh, yeah...yeah...

Don’t know where to go, who to see, yeah

Oh, girl I guess I better go

I can save myself a lot of useless tears

Girl, I’ve gotta get away from here

Oh, girl Pain will double if you leave me now

‘Cause I don’t know where to look for love

And I don’t, I don’t know how

Oh, yeah Mmm...hmm...

Oh, girl Why do I love you so, yeah

Mmm... Better be on my way, I can’t stay

Have you ever seen such a helpless man

Oh...oh...no...

Girl - Paul Wall

Simply love the cute chorus.. oh so soothing.. here's the lyrics..

"Girl"

[Chorus: sped-up sample of "Oh Girl" by the Chi-Lites]

Ohhh girl, I'd be in trouble if you left me now

Cause I don't know where to look for love, I just don't know how

Ohhhhhhhh girl, I'd be in trouble if you left me now

Cause I don't know where to look for love, I just don't know how

Ohhhh..

[cut off and echoes]

[Paul Wall]

It started off, we were two peas in the pod

Motivated by love with the blessings of God

We were head over heels in this love thang

Funny ain't it thinkin back, our friends thought it was just a fling

I used to call you on the phone, late night tip

Mackin to you in your ear, conversation well equipped

I used to make you laugh, I used to make you smile

But all the while your roommates were in denial

We felt a lot of jealousy from the very start

Your so-called friends kept tryin to tear us apart

They used to tell you all kinda lies

Just like a wolf in sheep's clothing, the devil came in disguise

They transformed all your smiles into tears

To sabotage your happiness and blamed it on my busy career

I gave you e'rythang, aimin to please

But I guess it wasn't enough, cause now you ready to leave

But don't go baby

[Chorus]

[Paul Wall - over Chorus]

What it do baby, don't leave me hangin baby

I know you feelin this, I'm just sayin though

I know you hearin me, so don't do it baby

You know I keep it real, just let me tell you somethin

[Paul Wall]

Lil' momma been down with me for a while

When you tryin to smile I'm the one you like to dial

But lately I've been on a mission for commission

So while you at home wishin you was with me I've been missin

But listen I'm tryin to lace you up with diamonds that glisten

I got a vision so baby you need to kill all the fiction

Don't listen to what your friends sayin, they just jealous

Cause they on the sidelines watchin while you in the game playin

I'm just sayin you should be stayin, but I ain't trippin

I'm in love with my money baby that's how I'm livin

You know I got you on my mind like an edge up

And all of your naggin me and whinin it got me fed up

I'm on the grind hustlin, stackin my cash

But you just thank I'm in the streets chasin after some ass

Tryin to break that bread, I'm tryin to get that cake

But you complainin talkin 'bout you fin' to escape, baby what it do

[Chorus]

[Paul Wall]

I'm tryin to tell you 'bout your friends hatin

While they be over there complainin I'm just on my grind paper chasin

You got them insecure thoughts in your mind

But instead of chasin hoes I be overtime on my grind

You steady listenin to the gossip in the beauty shop

But all them jealous single females want what you got

They would do anythang to take yo' place

Cause everytime I come around they be givin me that sex face

You ridin shotgun in the James Bond Benz

With the frog-eyed lens on them 20 inch do rims

So why you worried about your jealous so-called friends

I'm just on my grind tryin to stack me up some ends baby

I used to make you laugh, I used to make you smile

And all the while your jealous friends been in denial

I ain't askin much, lil' momma just keep it real

Either you're down with me or not, baby what's the deal

[Chorus - 2.5X w/o cut-off until last 1/2 repeat]

My Work Space

As promised, here's the pics. Hehe This is my work space. For now I do not have much of my things on the table. I want to make it more personalized. A Cathryn feel to it. But don't know how. Hehe. *Hint Jamy & Yenny take pictures with me, then print for me so that I can stick in my office!!! Other friends also!

Any other ideas to make the place looks mine? My other colleagues have teddies, key chains, photos, postcards but I don't want to put teddies, key chains.. And please don't ask me to put a plant there.

An overall picture of my work space;

Partial view of my workspace, yeah i know the phone right next to my laptop but I'm not an operator!!!!;

Left corner of my desk, want to show what's on my desk clearly, the few ornaments on the upper left,it's souveniers from China, from Wendy, Si Yin and Yan Chun, a mug from parent company Goldis, my Starbucks water tumbler;

Haha.. notice the Christmas Tree and Snow Man? it's USB powered.. presents to the team from boss;

My in and out tray , some files, my lotion, stationaries, and a paper bag.. I use it to bring stuff around daily, my bag too small!!;

finally, this is my laptop... hehe...I like my wall paper.. got it from the Benefit's website.

Well, people, do give me some advice to make it better!

Christmas Countdown:- 4 Days

Ramblings, believe in it if you want

Perhaps things could be different.
Perhaps I was not the gullible fool I think I was and still am.
Perhaps life would be better if I........

If only...........

Things will never be the same. Can a broken vase be mend back? Can all the scattered pieces be found?

Perhaps, if you believe in it, you could.

Have faith.

Something's Wrong With Beta Blogger!

I can't upload pictures. Wanted to. But can't. Tried so many times.

Aargh!!! Deep breath Deep breath... Be patient....

Guys, stay tune for my ... akakaka.. workspace pictures..

Jamy dear, as per your request, I shall take pictures of da Christmas Tree that pissed me off tonight. Will try to upload all of it tomorrow.

Ciaoz.. Gotta find something to eat.. for lunch!

Sad Sad Sad - The Joys of Christmas in Office

I was sitting at my seat... and other colleagues were shrieking in joy, "oh, so cute!!!!" then came the sound of those electronic Christmas tune. "We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas". My Team Member, Mr X gave several colleagues Teddies which emits a Christmas tune when press. I felt... not so good at that moment. Cause.. he didn't give me anything. It's not because I want the gift but it feels as if he didn't consider me as a person he wants to be good to. Eh, he's my team mate leh! My team is quite small.. only the 4 of us... 2 gals and 2 guys... He gave the other gal that teddy too! But not me.. Shows how insignificant I am. Sad Sad. Bad enough that I'm always lunching alone. Does that mean they don't like me?

At least I got a gift from another colleague and my boss. Boss gave me a USB Christmas Tree.. It is now above my desk at work! Colleague... was a pleasant surprise.. cause didn't expect her to give me anything as I'm not that close to her. Sweet gal.

Thank you for all of you that thought of me. Doesn't matter if it costs only a few bucks.. it's the thought that counts.

On a brighter note, my office is getting a Christmas Tree today. I know it's kinda late. But it's better late than never!

P.S:- Jamy, don't throw my gift out the window if I can't manage to see you before Christmas la... I will try my best to find the time. Friday? I want to go Coffee Bean Mont Kiara!

Countdown to Christmas:- 5 Days

Dear Bosses... please declare a day off!!

Sigh, bosses didn't declare holiday yesterday. :( i'm so sad. I want Friday off. If this Friday is a day off, then I can go shopping and yamcha with my girl friends. More importantly, I can sleep til 10. Haha... I hate waking up at 6.25 each morning. Hate it hate it hate it. Sigh........ Please my dear bosses.. be generous...

I haven't finish my Christmas shopping. And I don't have much time left to finish it.

Stomach growling. Hungry~~ What to eat? As usual, curry puffs for breakfast.

Mood of the day: Sleepy and Blur
I'm at: Where Else? At work...
I'm dreaming of: Winning the Lottery, akakakkakakaa

Will update later today if my brain stops being fuzzy....

Paris Hilton's Shopping Spree!!??? & Eragon's Review & Some Random Thoughts in Putra LRT

Someone said that my Christmas wishlist looks like Paris Hilton's shopping spree. I don't know whether that's an insult which I should feel offended or it's just a Guy kinda comment. Haha.. Anyway, I don't get angry that fast. Or in other words, I'm not so "siu hei" ok? So no worries. Back to the comment, I think most women's wishlist will be quite similar to mine. Every woman needs make up, we need it to look even better than we actually are already. We need facial products to maintain our beauty. *Ahem ahem*, I wonder whether men realize that women put alot of effort in looking good. By the way, I would like some new books too but I actually don't have any particular book that I fancy right now. Thus, I didn't write it in my list. I shall go to the bookstore.. and look around. Perhaps, this time, I'll get a chick lit. Akakkaka..

Oh ya, dear friends, anyone of you have Prozac Nation? I want to borrow that book.

Eragon the movie, sucks... Below is the reason why:-

1. It looks like a B-grade movie.
2. It did not follow the Eragon book storyline. It did not follow!!!!! The one that they came up with, sucks. Not as exciting as the book or as interesting.
3. There is totally no character development. It was too rush. They packed too many info/happenings/events - whatever, in a 2 hour show. Wait, i think it's lesser than 2 hours.

Basically, I am so disappointed. It had a potential to be a GREAT movie but it is a flop. Anyone who does not heed my advice and decides to go watch it anyway, well.. I did warn you, I tried.

Erm, I think by now, everyone who reads my blog will know that I commute to work via the Putra LRT. These past few days, I had the weirdest kind of thoughts while taking the LRT. Yesterday, I was looking at this girl. She was talking rather loudly on the phone. Let me describe her first, she's maybe 157 cms tall. She's quite thin, well not skinny but thin. Sigh, what a waste. She did not know how to dress. First she's wearing shirt and pants. Fine, that's all right but it was so ill fitting. The pants had a bad cut. It made her body looks.... un-appetising. Then, she was wearing this leather flip flops, goodness, it is those manly kind. Her shirt are yellow with stripes on it. Her pants were gray. Ok, I know I'm being mean to criticize others here.. but but but.. Anyway, the reason why I was paying attention to her was because of her conversation or rather her excitement, her energy. She was speaking in English. Then she made another call, which was in Mandarin. Let's just say this, her English sounds more natural. But I'm not saying her Mandarin sucks, in fact, it was pretty all right. She was asking someone, where is Bukit Tinggi. Then I heard her say, oh, it's on the way to Genting Highlands. Then she says, isn't it far away. By then, I was wondering where is Bukit Tinggi as the name sounds familiar. FYI, Bukit Tinggi is in Pahang. It is just an hour's drive from Kuala Lumpur.

Ok, then I switch my attention to another woman who was sitting opposite me. She has pretty eyes. When I was looking at her eyes, a strange thought pop into my mind, "Look into my eyes. Deep into my eyes. Come deeper, deeper..." Now, that was really weird. I immediately shift my attention from her. LOL Sometimes, I'll be looking at some woman and I'll be thinking, "Is she pregnant or is that her tummy?". Then I'll start wondering whether I should give her my seat or not as she "might" be pregnant. But if she's not, I'll end up offending her. This morning, I was staring at another woman's eyes. It was rather big and has a nice almond shape to it. Somehow, her eyes had a permanant startled look to it. I was thinking, "Did someone gave her the shock of her life recently?". Hmm.. enough with my LRT observations.

This morning, my company received some good news. My big bosses, won the Earnst and Young award of Emerging Entrepreneur of the Year. Congrats, Kenny and Henry. Ekekek.. now I'm wondering whether we get a day off or not.... Let's make it on Friday? Please Please Pretty Pretty Please.... or.. how about next Tuesday??? please

FYI, due to the fact that I'm not a confirm staff yet, I cannot take leave. No annual leave for me. I can only take unpaid leave. So it's kinda sad seeing my colleagues keep on taking leave.. as it's end of the year.. Christmas is coming and also, New Year! while I can't take any leave. (Ok, well, unpaid.. is not worth it. I'm already so broke.. unpaid leave will... make me even.. worse off.)Anyway, the end of my probation is coming soon. So.. I shall be good and wait.

Please, please.. me want a day off!!!!! Boss, since you guys so happy... ehehhee.. holiday eh?

Christmas Countdown:- 6 Days

My Wishlist for Christmas and the year of 2006

There are some items that I would like to have. Since the sale is on, perhaps, after buying gifts for others, if the bill is not as exorbitant I'm expecting it to be.. I shall shop for myself. But then again, after Christmas.. will be Chinese New Year.. need to save money to give mum a big angpau. Sigh. Let's just see how it is.

1. Benefit's Dallas Palette - It's a set of blusher, eyeshadow and lipcolor.
2. Foundation from Bobbi Brown - My face is full of blemishes... so..need extra cover-up
3. A Set of Make Up Brushes - To apply make up properly
4. Benefit's Some Kind-a Gorgeous - It's a compact powder *Ahem more cover up..
5. Shiseido's Eye Soother - I've got fine lines and dark circles around my eyes
6. Clinique's Total Turnaround Visible Skin Renewer - Clear away all my scars and renew my skin!
7. Clinique's 3-Step Skin Care System or Biotherm Skin Care, either for combination skin or blemish prone skin.. not sure yet..
8. Body Shop Glitter Eyeliner in Diamond Night - Darn nice!!!
9. MAC Liquid Eyeliner - Hehe I want to learn to use liquid eyeliner
10. Working Pants - I've only one.. which is getting old.. and besides.. I can't only have one slacks
11. A Pretty Dress - Well.. I don't have many dresses also.. Need one more.. saw one... in my favourite color... Green... Planning to buy it after all the Christmas shopping.. if I have money :P
12. Hair Treatment - I've got split ends.. sucks
13. Boots - I've never own one before..
14. Thigh length Nylon Stokings.. I want those & I can't find decently priced ones!
15. Oh ya.. one nail polish & remover... someone asked me to color my toe nails.. she said ugly without color!

Ok, I know that my list of items.. most of it.. are just.. wants.. and not needs..and are mostly.. because I'm vain! I'm not going to buy all of them.. well.. guess.. i have to pick.. 2 items I want the most... if I still have some money left.. hahahah

Christmas Countdown :- 7 Days

Recap of 2006
I started working in November 2005. My first job was to organize corporate events. It was fun, it was interesting, it was blardy tiring, it was an eye opener, colleagues were friendly, sweet, caring and nice.. however.. there's always something to be disatisfied with, so I switch jobs.. and went to work in Silverlake as a software engineer in April. There, at first, the job was interesting, however later on, it became repetitive and unchallenging for me.. due to the task they assigned me to.. I went to Jakarta in July 24th for work.. the day I left Malaysia.. I cried and I cried.. as I was leaving someone that I love alot at the same time. Well, I was not to be in Jakarta for a long time, so it was not because of the distance.. but it was because it was time to let go, no point living in denial. During the 2 months I was in Jakarta.. I was miserable.. Some things happened, I felt betrayed and I felt that I couldn't go on. Have you ever had a person's voice saying the same phrase, repeating in your head for a whole month? And each time you hear it, you feel as if a knife is being driven into your heart. People in Jakarta was really nice.. certain friends help me go through it and I'm so grateful.. thanks for everything my dear friends! Somewhere around August, I received an offer to switch jobs again! I guess it came at the right time.. Cause at that moment, I really wanted to just come back to Kuala Lumpur.. and I was so bored with my job that I had to drag myself to work everyday. I quit Silverlake in September and started working as a Regional Business Development Consultant in October. And here I am now, ready to face another new year ahead of me.

I think, this year has taught me alot of things and I'm not the same person I used to be. Well, overall I'm still the same Cathryn, but there's some part of me which change and I'm wondering whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.

I learnt not to take people's word so seriously, that to most people, promises are meant to be broken. Most of the time, people just say things at the spur of the moment, and did not mean a single thing they said. I learnt that everyone lies, even the ones that you think will never lie to you. I learnt that it is not that easy to forgive if you cannot forget, especially when you don't understand the need of such actions. For me, I think it'll be easier to forget/forgive, if you understand why so and so behaved such way. And no matter how many times you analyze it, you still wouldn't understand. And as you try to understand it in order to forget the hurt and to forgive, you find yourself getting hurt again and again cause you are actually reliving it. You are actually going through the process all over again.

It's quite funny, how when you finally think that you've let go of the hurt and are ready to start anew that you realized that it is as painful as ever and the hurt that you thought was gone was actually hiding in a little corner in your heart. LOL, it was actually playing hide-and-seek with you! However, I believe it'll all go away, with my determination and help from someone. And as the year ends, as I reminisce and ponder on my actions and memories, as tears are flowing down my cheeks and smiles are creeping up the corners of my mouth, yes, I do believe that I had a fruitful year and all that happened, have made me a more matured person. And I am waiting in anticipation of what 2007 will bring me. And how it will change me.

Let's drink to 2006 and welcome 2007 with open arms! Cheers!

I can't wait, I can't wait!

I can't wait to go home! Tonight I'll be watching Eragon (I've finished reading Eragon and the Eldest.. am waiting for the final book)... and I just got a TVB drama series from my colleague. I shall be watching it all weekend. Maiden's Vows.. I get to watch Charmaine Sheh in action, in 4 different roles. It's the show where she got the 2006 Best Actress Award.

And I shall be doing my last minute Christmas shopping. Finally. No more procrastinating. No more holding on to my purse so tight so that the money will not fly out. This time, it'll really make a dent in my purse. I've made a list. Hoping that it'll make me stick to my budget. I don't want to bankcrupt myself this month. I must... only buy for others this weekend.. Cannot buy for myself.. I must, I must.. Promise myself..

Here's the MV of the TVB series I'll be watching (I know it's not exactly a really new show but I only manage to get it now!) Oh, Charmaine Sheh is the singer for the song.

Countdown to Christmas:- 10 Days

WHO ARE YOU?

Someone left me a message at meebo, didnt identify who the hell he or she is, using the nick meeboguest219589.... he or she said "curious to find out who talks about u behind ur back?its ur fatty girls". what da hell???!!!??? I'm disgusted. I'm confused. Why would someone say such things? why why why! why people must be mean and conniving? I'm disappointed. who is this damn person who reads my blog? why is there such ppl reading my blog???

WARNING:-

DO NOT DO NOT EVER EVER TRY TO COME IN BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIENDS!!!! AND IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO TRY, WHY DONT YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO SAY WHO ARE YOU?? CHICKEN SHIT! COW DUNG!!!!

mad crazy me

i'm super duper high on caffeine now. my heart is racing, my head is pounding. after a long day in front of the machine, my eyes are watering. for once in the last 3 months, i'm proud to say i didn't eat much. enough to be full. that's what matters. not greed.

don't know what's happening to me these days. am confused. life is getting more complicated as i age. maybe one day, i'll figure out what i want.

Countdown to Christmas:- 12 Days

Someone I know is going to Hong Kong for Christmas. So much fun. I wish I am going too.

Christmas Fireworks in Hong Kong 2005 (no, I was not there)

Christmas Tree in HongKong 2004 (nope, I didn't go there either)

P/S : Sigh, I've never been to HongKong, OK!!!!

我会好好的 - Cyndi Wang

我会好好的

花还香香的

世界一直去

回忆着美丽

我是想着你

一直想着你

你在我心底

变成了秘密

不要说你爱我你想我

如果你的心里没有这么做

只是勉强的敷衍我

我知道了会很难受

我要你默默走不回头

我会清楚明白你要的是什么

勿须勉强的安慰我

说奇怪的理由

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

我会好好的

不要说你爱我你想我

如果你的心里没有这么做

只是勉强的敷衍我

我知道了会很难受

我要你默默走不回头

我会清楚明白你要的是什么

勿须勉强的安慰我 说奇怪的理由

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

我会好好的

我会好好的

花还香香的

世界一直去

回忆着美丽

我是想着你

一直想着你

你在我心底

变成了秘密

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

到现在还是深深的深深 的爱着你

是爱情的友情的都可以

那是我心中的幸福

我知道它苦苦的

要给你远方的祝福我知道它苦苦的

我会好好的

My Dreams, My Goals.

I feel.. that I'm missing out on something. I look around my friends and feel that they have achieved more than me. Everyone's changing. Everyone looks so happy and satisfied. I'm envious. Maybe it's a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" but I doubt so.

I think of my goals, my dreams and my achievements; I feel that I am not doing my best. I can do much more. I want alot more. Yet, I have been procrastinating. I am lazy. I am not disciplined enough. Every time I stretch my hands out and touch my goal a little bit.. I relax myself. I slack and then the goal become further and further away. I have to start all over again. Every time, again and again this happens. It became a vicious cycle. Each time I fail and have to start over again, my confidence and my hope diminish. It feels as if I'll never achieve it. It feels so far away.

Will I ever be able to achieve it? It feels as if it's been forever. If I were to ever achieve my other dreams, my other goals, then first I must achieve this ancient dream of mine. I have been dreaming about it since I was 9. Please, I really hope that I can overcome this. I hope that I can stop dreaming about it and start living it. I hope this time I have the strength, determination and discipline to achieve it.

Perhaps , perhaps, this time, it'll be different. Perhaps, this time will be the last time and the vicious cycle will stop. Perhaps...

Countdown to Christmas:- 14 Days

Word of the Day - Bibliophile

I just learned a new word. Guess what? I'm a bibliophile. Bibliophile means someone who loves or collects books. Haha.. I learned the word from reading Eragon. Interesting book. I can't put it down. Or rather, in this case, I can't take my eyes off the screen. (I'm reading an e-book.) It is about a boy who became a dragon rider. Yeah, it's a fantasy book. I love reading fantasies. And the movie adaption of it is coming out on the 14th of December. I'll be sure to watch it. Don't missed it!

Countdown to Christmas:- 17 Days

Stereotyping - The Never Ending Male Chauvinism

Tell me, what do you perceive as women? What are your expectations toward women? Must women be ladylike? Must we be gentle and kind? Sweet and nice? Obedient and proper? Must a woman know how to cook? Must a woman be blardy creative? Must we be commited only to our family and forget about our career? Must we talk softly and laugh gingerly? Must we walk femininely? Must I care about what other blardy think about me?

Wait, let me tell what some Asian male think. A woman must be this, a woman must be that. A woman does not need to study so much cause she doesn't need to. Her husband will take care of her. A woman can't be too ambitious as she will neglect her family. A woman needs to concentrate most of her attention to her family. A woman can't sleep till the afternoon cause it is not proper for a woman to do so. A woman needs to know how to cook, cause it is her job to cook for the family. A woman needs to ensure that her husband's needs are taken care of, cause it is her job to pamper that lazy pig while he barks orders at her. A woman needs to know how to sew. A woman needs to be clean and neat. Women smoking is worse than men smoking. A woman can't drive properly. If you see any reckless or careless or idiotic driving, more often than not, someone will say, "That must be a woman driver." Women get lesser pay than men. Why? Cause men's effort are much more than women. Men's effort are more. Women's effort means less. If a woman sleeps around, she is a slut. If a man sleeps around, he is a stud. Men can be plump while women need to be reed thin. Women in their 30s are expired while men's life begins at 30. Women can't go out late at night cause it is dangerous. Cause they can't take care of themselves. Aargghhh!!! I can't stand this.

Please remind me why am I tolerating this? Well, I do admit that sometimes, we women have a set of expectations for men. We expect them to know about cars. We expect them to be tough. To be responsible. Aarrghh. I don't know what to say anymore. I can't think. I'm too worked up. Girls, just say what you expect from guys. Guys, just say whatever that you want. I don't wanna care anymore!

Countdown to Christmas :- 18 Days

Christmas is around the corner! Countdown to Christmas :- 19 Days

Anyone started on their Christmas shopping yet? I haven't buy anything yet. In total, I need to buy at least 7 gifts or more. Sigh. I'm going to be really broke. (*Hint*Dear Friends, since you know that Poor Cathryn is broke so.. donations?)

I shouldn't be talking about gifts. Christmas is more than that. Is not suppose to be as commercialized as that. Christmas is about forgiveness, sharing and all that is good. (The good side of me winning)

But it is also about *cheeky grin* (I just can't resist it - Evil side is winning):-

• Christmas tree (Decorating is FUN!),
• Christmas Carols (Oh so soothing to the ears),
• Parties (A Reason to Dress Up),
• Dinners (Delicious Finger Licking Food),
• Gatherings (My friends, my friends),
• Gifts (Lots & Lots of Gifts - FOR ME! hehe),
• Stockings(Full of Goodies),
• Gingerbread Man (It looks cute),
• Santa Claus("Ho Ho Ho" Time to reminisce),
• Movies (Happy Endings are way to go),
• Holiday (Whopee! I can sleep longer),
• Snow (Sigh, Malaysia don't snow),
• Shopping (Excuse to waste money)
• Countdown (I Love CountDowns - I love the crowd but not the pushing and smelly bodies)

Here is one of my favourite Christmas song by Mariah Carey, "All I want for Christmas Is You". Enjoy and happy shopping *oops* I meant preparing for Christmas (subliminal message - buy Gifts for Cathryn, buy Gifts for Cathryn) :-

Countdown to Christmas : 19 Days

Masuk Dalam Lagi, Masuk Dalam Lagi, Ada lagi tempat!

I really hate Putra LRT staff. Everyone that has the privilige or pleasure to take the LRT in the morning or in the evenings will know how packed the train is. Nowadays there is a group of annoying guards making sure the crowds stand in line. Well, that's fine with me but why do they need to ask people to keep on going in? Even when there's no more place. Even when the train is so full that when the doors open, the crowd will actually spill out, not go out voluntarily.

Yesterday, I was extremely pissed. I usually stand in the middle, near the seats, not near the door as it is not as packed there. If you stand near the door, it will be so packed that you cannot move at all and you can smell different sorts of odors. And it is really unpleasant. So, there I was, minding my own business, and as usual, stand near the seats to avoid being crammed and most importantly, the odors. However, yesterday it was super duper extremely crammed. To the max. I think if there is a way to stand on the ceiling, the crowd will do so. Even in my little sanctuary, I could not escape the people. Instead of standing, we were practically leaning against each other. Sandwiched. And when we stop at a station, more people come in. I could hear the blardy idiotic guards shouting, "Masuk lagi, masuk lagi. Ada lagi ruang. Selit dalam! (Go in, go in. There's some space. Squeeze in!)" I'm like, "Idiotic jerk. There's not even space to breath. We are so close together, I can feel the body contours of the person next to me. Blardy ass, ask him to come in, and try being in this train for 40 mins. I want to see how much he enjoys it. And whether he'll still think there's anymore space to spare."

People, do not tell me that he is just doing his job. He does not need to push people til that extent. What happens if a person faints inside the train? Will he be there to help? Yes, I do admit that the crowd has something to do with the fact that the train is that full. But it is so annoying that he is still shouting that. And some folks actually move in although there's no place left. This violates personal space. Personal privacy.

I hate the LRT. I hate it. It sucks all my energy...and replace it with anger and discomfort!

Should I drive to work? Bugger, I need to get a car. Is there any other choice for me? To suffer the traffic and drive myself and spend money to pay for the car or to take the lrt and suffer the imbeciles and extra smelly people.

If I drive, the journey will be 45 mins. and 10 mins walk to the office. and maybe another 5 mins to find a parking space. So in total, an hour.

If I take the LRT, I need to trouble people to send me to the LRT station or maybe sometimes even waking up an hour earlier to follow people's schedule. The journey to the LRT station takes around 15 mins. Then, the LRT will take another 35 mins to reach my station. Next, I will need to walk to office for 10 mins. So in total, an hour too!

How??? How???!!!! Decisions Decisions

Bring me to DreamLand

I'm so sleepy. I had to wake up at 6.30am. In fact, for the rest of the month, I mean during weekdays that I need to work, I'll have to wake up at 6.30am. Darn, why is my office so faraway? Why oh why? Normally I wake up at 7.30am. Now I have to get up an hour earlier. This is due to wanting to save the cab fare to LRT. Following someone that's going to the LRT instead.

I'm missing my bed. And the soft pillows.. My nice warm comforter

Do you think that I'll forego dinner and jump straight to bed after shower tonight? I really hope so.

I need my beauty sleep.

I don't know why I am so exhausted.

If only I can sleep now.

Confessions of a Sarong Party Girl (SPG)!

Ahem.. to all of you who thinks that I'm announcing my new status.. sorry, it's not about me and besides, for heaven's sake, do you ever think that I'll sell myself that cheap? And I AM NOT THAT DESPERATE!

I came about this blog.. by (in)famous self proclaimed Sarong Party Girl, Miss Chloe Cheng or Isabella X, in Singapore - www.missizzy.org Last year, she caused some uproar in Singapore.. as she posted some naked/nude photos of hers in her blog. I've read some of her early entries and it's all about dating angmohs (for those who do not understand that term - angmoh is a Hokkien word for caucasians), sex, religion and other controversial issues. Btw guys, she writes for a column in Singapore FHM.

*Ahem* ok, let me describe what is term as SPGs (correct me if I'm wrong, please) SPGs are Asian or more specifically Singaporean women who likes dating Caucasian men. Well, the not so nice way to describe a SPG is:- a gold digger, a slut who speaks with a fake accent and only goes after Caucasian males. And Wikipedia describes SPG as a derogatory term used in Singapore, and, less frequently, in Peninsular Malaysia. It describes a local Asian woman(Chinese,Malay,Indian, etc.) who usually dresses and behaves in a provocative manner; and exclusively dates and prefers caucasian men. This can be considered a variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome, as it involves an Asian woman who only dates Caucasian men and considers them superior to their local counterparts. For those who likes to read more about SPGs in Wikipedia:- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarong_party_girl

Here, Chloe Cheng (or Isabella X) talks about why she chooses white expats :- http://www.missizzy.org/2004/04/12/why-white-expats/

Honestly, I've seen some of her pictures, and I do not think that she is that pretty or slim, despite her unforgiving comments about fat girls. Yeah, I know she's not fat but she's not as skinny as she's potraying.

And here's a guide on how to be a Super SPG, I believe is also written by Chloe but I'm not sure:-
http://sarongpartygirl2.blogspot.com/2004_04_17_sarongpartygirl2_archive.html (for those who *ahem* plans to be a SPG themselves LOL just kidding ya, guys!)

When I was 10, I was in a bookshop and I came across the first ever book on SPGs, by Jim Aitchison. It's more like a comic as there are alot of illustrations (by Theseus Chan). But I don't think it was the right kind of book to be read by a 10 year old. I can still remember my reaction towards the revelation.. I was thinking, "Seriously, are there really girls like that?". Oh, how naive I was. And how innocent.

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

Interesting Song and MV. Regarding a girl becoming famous and ignored her father. When it is too late, she regretted her actions. I noticed.. that humans are like that.. regretting when it is too late. Is there anyone that can say "I have no regrets!"? I doubt so.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Stop Calling Me Fat!!!!! Humans are so Shallow!

Am I really that fat? Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up! Does it really matter if I'm fat? What about inner beauty? Fuck! What's wrong with this world? Stop saying I'm fat, stop making me feel I'm ugly, stop making me feel I'm unworthy! Stop, stop, stop.. before I really believe you... Stop making me hate myself. And stop making me hate you.

Illegal - Shakira feat Carlos Santana

Listen to the song. Pay attention to the lyrics. Enough said.

Who would have thought

That you could hurt me

The way you've done it?

So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone

I bite my nails for days and hours

And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now

Why you're so far away

When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

You said you would love me until you die

And as far as I know you're still alive, baby

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive

To all you wanted

Always supportive, always patient

What did I do wrong?

I'm wondering for days and hours

It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow

I wish you both all the best

I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

You said you would love me until you die

And as far as I know you're still alive, baby

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

You said you would love me until you die

And as far as I know you're still alive, baby

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"

I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart

Open heart

It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart

Open heart

It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Irreplaceable - Beyonce

I used to think that there's a certain someone out there for each person. And I believed that sometimes, certain people are irreplaceable. Now, I do not believe that. Anyone that thinks that he or she is irreplaceable in someone's life, think again! There's no such thing such as "I can't live without you." Humans are born to adapt.

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left

Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
[ these lyrics found on www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left
To the left

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

Breakfast of the day - One Toast Two Half Boiled Eggs

This is one of my favourite breakfast. The missing item would be a good cup of coffee.. which I had later on.. in my office... Another breakfast I love is nasi lemak.. hmmm... yummy... especially if the sambal/chili is really really spicy.. and the egg, must be the sunny side up type - telur mata kerbau (which translate directly as bull's eye egg hehe) but but.. it's fattening.. Nasi lemak.. loved by Malaysians.. we should elect it as our National Food.. ekekekkeek..

Muffin with black coffee.. is great too! Which I kinda had almost everyday last week. Others will be fried "mee hoon" (The proper English name for it would be rice vermicelli) and plain congee with salted vege(char choy) and salted egg. Oooh.. if I take fried "mee hoon", I must have super spicy chili padi with soy sauce.

Last night, I went abit mad. I was having assam laksa (Just the thought of it makes my mouth waters) and I add the chili flakes from Dominos and some more chili padi for extra ooomph. Yummy.. After that, my stomach had a really nice.. heat in it. Haha

Ok. So I admit, I can take really spicy food(but I don't eat a whole chili without anything, I've never tried that and I don't plan to. My daddy used to do that but I don't see the pleasure in it, I need my chilies chopped and with soy sauce, I love soy sauce). Even for a Malaysian. So anyone having breakfast/lunch/dinner or any meal with me, please do not ask me whether the food is spicy or not, cause my opinion would not be accurate as it is based on my tolerance level which is considered not normal. And if you really do ask, and I give you my answer, don't say I didn't warn you.

Lunch time is just around the corner.. hmmm.. what shall I have today?